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St. Louis, Missouri 

What I consider the real American Midwest! I met my friend and her family again and it was one of the best weekends ever. Maybe it was because of the people or the lifestyle or sun or all three. All missing from Ireland. 

The City Museum is like no other; a museum constructed of old city parts like a fire truck and steel that you can climb and explore. Indoor caves and slides and a wacky art room are also housed within. A playhouse for adults almost! I will go back. When I live someone else’s life, I question my own. I don’t know if I would be happier there for a long time even though I had the best weekend. But I don’t want to regret not trying. I can’t live on Dublin all my life. Well, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I need to start living again. 

I want to start living again. I am working, coming home and laying on my bed. I want to save money for a house but now I’m questioning whether I really need a house. What would make me feel free? 

I love travelling. I feel safe travelling. I want more money to travel then so I need to work! It’s a circle! Maybe if I had a companion of some sort, that would help. 

I arrive in Dublin at 5am tomorrow and will be going to work about 8 or 9. I didn’t want to take another day off. I’ll regret it tomorrow but I’ll never regret this trip. I will be in Spain on May 30th for 11 days. I’ll be dreaming of that sun until then. 

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Mystic, CT

A small town that looks like something out of Pleasantville or Pretty Little Liars.. It’s so picturesque and cute and I can imagine living here. 

Small towns in Ireland have a different look and feel; tiny bungalows with one pub, one shop, one chipper to fill the Main Street. Mystic feels like a proud town with boutique shops and a plethora of restaurants. It feels homely. 

I feel content but I wish my family was here too. I want them to experience what I do and by they I mean my brother and my mom. They would appreciate this; the views, the seafood and friendly smiles. 

I did have to wait over an hour to get a taxi back to my hotel. That tested me, broke me! I am terribly impatient. I will definitely rent a car the next time if there is a next time. 

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I had a nice meal with my manager and one of the Director’s. I know she thinks I’m socially awkward, I can be, but I am more of a ‘no bullshit’ person and that scares her. They have reminded me on more than one occasion on how to behave! Ha! I don’t like the lack of trust. It decreases my confidence. 

For tomorrow, no matter how horrible this meeting will be; I will be free of work until Tuesday so I can chill the fuck out until then. I need to block out work from my brain outside of working hours. Give me back my thoughts! 

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I’m in America

I flew into Boston and now on a train to Connecticut. 

I love seeing how different the houses are abroad compared to Ireland. Passing through the suburbs, I have only seen jouses made of wood. I can’t recall ever seeing a house made of wood in Ireland. Yet businesses are made of bricks and mortar. Huh! Houses here stand alone. Not like a lot of our suburbs where housing estates are frequent and houses are mostly similar. 

It must be weird living in an enormous country. Maybe weird isn’t the correct term; but it’s weird to me! Imagine driving across country taking days! We can get to the other side of Ireland in a few hours; for some Americans it would take hours to leave their state. 

I enjoy hearing people’s thoughts on Ireland and how different it is to their country. I guess when I travel I think constantly of the differences and how a small change could make Ireland or another country better. 

For example, the service here is outstanding compared to ireland! Everyone is much friendlier when ordering food or drink. But in Ireland the people in general are much friendlier and trust worthy. People ask you to mind their things on a train even if you’ve never met. 

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I am here for half business / half pleasure. My work has entrusted me with a face to face with our sponsors. I am not nervous. I know my work very well. We have invited a project director to support us as a voice of the study teams. I worry she will slip up! But I can only prepare her for the harsh critics that await us. 

On Friday I head for St. Louis to visit a good friend for a few days. My first Midwest America trip. I’m excited. I have high hopes it will feel like another country compared to NYC or Chicago. But I am also prepared to be wrong!! 

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Hello world…

So I’ve blocked out current affairs and politics, for the most part since my last post. The difference is amazing! I’m not as frustrated anymore! It’s kind of sad, being more ignorant makes you happier. I do like keeping up with latest news but its psychological impact is extremely noticeable. 

I’ve been working on my assignment for my project management course and watching more sport (yay baseball is back). It’s a relief. Work has been mixed; I had an awful Monday and Tuesday that my boss must have noticed as on Wednesday they decided to send me to the US for a few days at the end of the month for a workshop. Also they’re hiring new people and one of them will take over the mundane parts of my job so I can manage more. Phewwwww. 

I get caught up in a bad day when I get verbal abuse from project managers and get home and apply for new jobs. I need to not let it affect me but it is hard. Here’s to being more ‘nice bossy’ as my manager says. 

So that’s me lately; trying to relax, doing jigsaws, going to watch Leinster rugby win (!) and eating Easter eggs. And at the end of next month I go on holidays (Spain). I watched a documentary on the Caribbean today and now I crave a trip to Barbados. Will anyone come with? Ireland is so grey in comparison!! Why can’t it be paradise too? 

Happy chocolate egg weekend.  

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Idiot

Forever alone but never lonely. When I dream of the future, I imagine travel and sunshine and more independence. I can’t imagine what work I’ll be doing and where I’ll be. 

But what if I’m bed-ridden and depressed, reliant on my family to keep me alive.. 

I am not a typical young woman. I don’t want children, or marriage. I don’t have the default setting that everyone else seems to have. My aspirations focus on learning and travelling not breeding and weddings and parties. I never want those things. 

The future always seems amazing and full of hope. Why can’t I be more realistic, live in the present and make a connection with someone. I feel like an idiot.