Do you ever question yourself and what you’re doing with your life?

I’ve been having ups and downs in work lately and yesterday it hit me… What the F am I doing in work!! The work I’m doing seems pointless! I don’t help anyone, I don’t even see how I’m making money for some fat cat executive. 

I work in clinical trials but my role seems ridiculous to me. Also knowing how they’re run would never entice me to participate in one, or my family. Pharmaceuticals don’t care about helping people, they’re only focused on making more money. 

It would be interesting if all companies were banned from bull shitting on their websites and had to publish their intentions and fuck ups. 


Anyway, I don’t know why I let work stress me out so much. I used to be able to switch off when I came home. I find it so difficult to do that now.so I spend my free time stressing over my pointless job!! I’m waiting until I have more experience so I can ‘shop around’. 

Oh well. 



I really like the team of people I work with, most of the time! They are friendly and will always help you out. However I hate having to go in Monday and they ask what I got up to at the weekend… Same goes with Friday ‘any plans this weekend?’ No.

I rarely make plans because I usually cancel and prefer to spend time alone. A productive weekend for me reading a ton and researching things that pop in my head. What can I say to them?! I spend time with my family when they come over and walk my dog… But I prefer being alone!! Haha! I am an introvert but they may not see that. They probably think I’m a loser.

I probably would have thought the same 5 years ago of someone else. You just never know what can happen sometimes.

I am desperate for a real person to talk to. I don’t want sex but I want intimacy and trust. And loyalty. When I say this in my head, it sounds like I’m looking for a friend! I have friends. I just don’t talk to them about things I feel I need to. I want someone to understand and know me, not just humour or tolerate me.

That may never happen so I have to convince myself that writing will do. I seem to scare Irish girls and I will never do long distance again! When there’s no relationships, there’s always your dog 🙂


Music is powerful

Do you ever listen to some songs and they just throw you back into that period of time? I feel sort of warm and relaxed. Then there are songs that bring me back to periods where the feelings are still raw and I can’t listen.
That’s annoying; I loved the songs at the time but it rips me apart hearing them.

I’m listening to Whitney Houston right now. I don’t think I’ve ever searched for her songs before until now, I was never a big fan and I’m thrown back into my teenage years. I must note I mean her music from about 15 years ago! I’m not that old!
I can’t get over this feeling.


#Fuck The Pope


#Fuck The Pope is what Mr Deity has to say, and I agree with him.

There is one thing that Mr Deity forgot. ‘The Pope’ at various and numerous times in history has been one of the most vile creatures to walk this Earth. To even speak as though his religion is a moral podium is to mock everyone of no faith and everyone who has died at the hands of religion.

#Fuck The Pope

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