I wonder what my family think of me.. 28 years old, introvert, doesn’t drink, doesn’t ‘party’. I’m single and nerdy, and I’m gay and uptight!
I wonder do they pity me or feel sorry for me because I’m not married or have kids like them? For the record, I never want kids and I don’t care for marriage (but still want it to be available for same-sex relationships!).
Do they think I will end up lonely? Do they realise I have depression? If they do, why haven’t they ever mentioned it? I know my dad, mum and one of my sisters know, but they never ask about it or how I’m doing. It’s weird to me. I’m not saying I’ll spill my feelings to them, but my family don’t seem to notice when I’m down, then who the fuck will? My friends don’t care.
I spend the majority of my time in my room. I think my mum has given up on trying to get me to socialise more. When I say I’ll go out she seems pleased and almost encourages it. More than one evening a week throws off my routine and ruins me with tiredness. It’s bullshit (for me anyway) when people say exercising more can alleviate tiredness and depression. I get more tired and feel great while exercising but down after.
I always dream of what my life will be like when I’m older. I get too homesick to move abroad even though I want to transfer to Barcelona for 6 months. It will hurt to move house which is inevitable when my mum moves to a different county. I’m settled here. My room is like my comfort blanket. It’s amazing how much time I can spend alone. I notice in work when I chat and laugh with my team that I barely speak to anyone outside of work and I rarely laugh out loud!
Things change dramatically when you get depressed and lose friends because you become less social.