It never goes away

I’ve read so many articles about what people have learned from being depressed. None of them hit what I’ve learned… Just when you think you’re ok and you’re on top of your emotions, it drags you back in and under.
There’s no escaping. Slow recovery and sharp falls. So don’t bullshit and say life is all meadows, sunshine and flowers.


Music is powerful

Do you ever listen to some songs and they just throw you back into that period of time? I feel sort of warm and relaxed. Then there are songs that bring me back to periods where the feelings are still raw and I can’t listen.
That’s annoying; I loved the songs at the time but it rips me apart hearing them.

I’m listening to Whitney Houston right now. I don’t think I’ve ever searched for her songs before until now, I was never a big fan and I’m thrown back into my teenage years. I must note I mean her music from about 15 years ago! I’m not that old!
I can’t get over this feeling.


I fucking love learning

Spending the evening watching documentaries! I find one that links to another and then find tons more! BBC Panorama has a few interesting ones. I’m lacking in feminist and LGBT docs. I would love for anyone to give me recommendations!

I’ve set myself the task of watching at least one documentary on each country. My reasoning; I won’t go to every country so I can try and experience a small insight on their culture, people or environment.

It’s fascinating that a lot of things wrong with the world link back to capitalism, greed, power or religion. Simple really, most governments and officials are selfish. This world could be so much better.


#Fuck The Pope


#Fuck The Pope is what Mr Deity has to say, and I agree with him.

There is one thing that Mr Deity forgot. ‘The Pope’ at various and numerous times in history has been one of the most vile creatures to walk this Earth. To even speak as though his religion is a moral podium is to mock everyone of no faith and everyone who has died at the hands of religion.

#Fuck The Pope

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Next Steps

Do the majority of people live for the weekend?
Not me.

I really like my job. I’m afraid to say I love it in case I jinx myself and it all goes wrong. But during the week, I feel great (mostly). I have a routine, I stick to it, I’m productive and alert. Weekend comes and I struggle.

I don’t want to be ‘living for the weekend’ as that’s only two days a week! How can one live like that? In order for me to feel productive at the weekends, I will now set an alarm and plan things and keep busy. The winter here is so miserable that I won’t be going outside much so I have to plan indoor activities accordingly. When I have a routine, depression episodes don’t hit and I feel like a person!

Since increasing my meds, I feel much better. I am hungrier for knowledge and on top of work. Reading forums and blogs online, fellow depression sufferer’s advise to avoid getting stuck on meds. I know they are so difficult to come off, I’ve tried, but without them I’d still be stuck in bed and probably wouldn’t have survived my job. Each to their own. I don’t regret going on them. If this is how it will be, I can live with that.


I used to like a girl. We went on a couple of dates and there was nothing there. I’m not sad about it though, it was a nice experience while it lasted. I promised myself I wouldn’t settle down for the sake of it, that won’t make me happy! I’d be happy if I met some lesbian friends, so hard to come across in Ireland!