This time of year…

It’s your tone of voice.. Your point may be valid. You may be giving great advice. You might actually know what you’re talking about. But they way you say it to the rest of us, makes you sound patronising and pissed off at the same time.

Christmas is overrated, especially for people like me that struggle through it. I don’t know if it is just because of my current mental health or in general; I feel like I have always struggled with Christmas though. I like my family most days of the year. We don’t spend more than maybe 6 hours together at a time. This is why I feel Christmas is so fake; having to spend double that time in a small space trying to get on when half of you are so bloody irritating.

People get more annoying at Christmas.

My tolerance decreases every hour. I can’t break off to my room as that would seem rude even though I’m struggling; How many times do I have to explain that I’m teetotal, I don’t want a drink, no, not even just a small one and then explain why I won’t/ can’t drink. Is it like this for everyone who is depressed?

We’re not the kind of family that confides in each other; we tell each other our news, yes, but not who we fancy or what issues we need help with. So I can’t sit here and pretend that I’m happy and get drunk and talk shite. I don’t talk shite. I have nothing in common with anyone from this family. My dad kept checking with me if I really did want that book I asked for – seriously, one book is what I asked for and there was disbelief…

I want to be home, in my own room, calm and surrounded by my dog and wii. I can’t wait to drive home in the morning. I’m at the stage where I’ve completely shut down and feel almost zombie-like again. I don’t feel relaxed at all.

My sister married a cheeky man, quite like my dad in fact. What I don’t understand is she hates him making any jokes… So why the fuck did you marry him – you had the person he is!! He can take a joke too, she can’t. It’s unnerving, constant bickering. My other sister is not different except she’s more abusive to her husband. And she’s turned turned into a complete skobie, shouting, feeding her kids sugar constantly so she has no control over them. They scream incessantly. I don’t like them. You’re meant to love your family no matter what but I don’t think it’s possible for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes your family are not good people, how can I love them unconditionally? It’s not possible, only if you’re a pacifist, which I’m not. I have to do what makes me happy and that means limiting my time with my sisters and their children.

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