IDK

I don’t know when I’ll feel down and I don’t know when I’ll feel able.

I want human interaction but I don’t feel like talking today. How does that work? How do I ask to be with friends but I just don’t want to chat. It doesn’t work.

Maybe I am better off alone. My thinking has increased these past few weeks. Should I look for a new job? Am I undervalued? What can I do better in life? Who can I truly talk to?

In my mind I’ve no one to talk to. My friends don’t want to hear how I really feel or the issues I have; they want gossip or cheerful stories. I want someone to talk to. Not a therapist. I enjoyed my last session but felt judged. She made claims that weren’t true and I dread going through the process again; sitting in a stale room facing another person trying to feel comfortable and explaining my whole life. Why can’t we play mario kart and talk? I’d open up then!

Often I feel isolated. I feel my friends don’t know me. There doesn’t seem to be that connection. Maybe fresh air should be my best friend, clear my head and get me more focused.

Is thinking so much good or bad? There is no way to stop it.

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