Not the depression kind of sick – the flu kind of sick. It still sucks. I don’t like feeling mortal. I like being in control of everything I do, but I just feel weak and achy. Without having the energy to keep busy, I start to think more though.
I bought a new car recently and I feel so free. I keep thinking of plans and cool places to go in Ireland, forgetting that I’m always too exhausted for day trips or weekends away. My sisters want me to visit them where they live (outside Dublin), but I want peaceful weekends, not stress from all their children (the constant screaming and whinging is unbearable to me).
Work is stressful. I don’t know why I allow myself to get stressed, I think it’s because I put too much pressure on myself; I want everything done, on time and perfectly. Which isn’t possible when you spend half your time relying on someone else.
I feel distant from friends; I don’t seem to have a ‘person’. I always have my best friend, but with her work and a masters and a boyfriend it’s inevitable we would spend less time with each other.
Although nothing is perfect, I am still stable. I was very down at the end of last week but that could just be because I was getting sick. My mind still feels unfulfilled. My body wants more exercise but I’m always tired! I can’t wait for this sickness to leave me. I’m miserable when I can’t do as I please. I want my routine back!