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Today

I feel low. Like something is bubbling underneath the surface and I need to let go. I can’t release this frustration though; it won’t leave.

I have been exercising a lot and that helps but my body is too tired today! I am irritable and need everything my way. My room is a mess and I know if I clean it I’ll feel somewhat better but I just can’t do it! I just want to lie here.

I think it’s just been so long since I’ve emotionally connected with someone. I have my best friend but we haven’t had a proper catch up in months. I don’t care if I’m not sexually connected with a woman but I find it difficult not having someone emotionally. My exes always connected with me but I’ve never had that complete trust with them. Maybe WordPress can be my emotional mate!! Haha!

Ps I love Sam Smith, he has awesome music. Him and Ed Sheeran, and Christina Perri ‘get’ my emotional state! So good.

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Fresh air

When I think of weekends, I imagine freeing my mind from the hectic week in work. I needed more fresh air this weekend, my heart is aching for it, but it was raining too heavy.
I seem to get sucked in by things; girls, tv shows, work, baseball. It feels like time moves too fast and I don’t get a chance for the fresh air I crave. But being sucked in is the only way I can cope, otherwise I’m restless and agitated.

I plan small holidays to leave home and clear my mind; Chicago and Oslo next. (I’ve always wanted to go to Norway so I am pumped about Oslo). But I was restless this weekend and wanted more and more! I was looking at December, January, start of February and ahhh I need to relax! Luckily I hate parting with money so I didn’t book anything. I just don’t feel satisfied.

My therapist even agreed with me that I’m not depressed anymore. But I feel like it’s taken a piece from me. Something is missing from me and I don’t know what. I can’t even describe it as it’s hard to pinpoint and I don’t ever long for the past so get it back. I just want to be content with myself now.

Apart from all of this, I got hooked on Orphan Black. Tatiana Maslany is absolute magic! I got bored of the show mid way through the second series unfortunately. She is wonderful though…

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BS

You offend me, I offend you back and I’m the bad guy!

After every relationship I think back and ask myself why I got into it. Maybe I don’t think enough. Or maybe you just never got me and you’re not the one.

If we were right for each other we would never have hurt each other. I would have been excited to talk with you or see you… But that buzz was missing.

You never listened and I never had the patience to explain things over and over. You’ll find someone better and so will I; someone that suits me and has things in common (regardless whether you think we did).

I was never your type of girl. I’m to strong willed and stubborn, you were never mine; too uptight and sensitive. You’re religious and in a closet. I’m too old for make believe and lies.

I’m content because we shouldn’t have happened. I already feel a weight has lifted; I felt trapped with a burden. We’re better off this way; it wasn’t going to be a pleasant break up when you need the last word.

I’m stronger alone, I can’t be your crutch. I never wanted to be. I only want to be my own person, no boundaries, no stress.
Peace.